In many ways it's a perversely grand achievement. Put simply, someone has effectively remade Inseminoid with a $130 million budget. And if you don't believe me, compare the 'disco impregnation' scene from the former with the caesarean scene from Prometheus. It's laughably bad.
The monsters (as opposed to the aliens) were bloody awful too, rendered with obviously fake CGI and looking very much like props from one of those godawful Alien rip-offs they churned out in the early 80s. (Like, err, Inseminoid.) It hurts to see a once great Ridley Scott make Phantom Menace-levels of arse. And you thought Alien Resurrection had problems...
Even the blatant Alien allusions (like the Ripley-esque sign off at the end) seem a calculated slap across the face, a stinging reminder of what could have been, like a punishment for daring to expect a better experience that this.
That, at least is a review of Prometheus The Movie, as in, the experience Ridley Scott and friends wanted you to have. (For some reason.) Prometheus The Film (as in, the non-corporate, genuinely artistic bits) is a different matter altogether.
So let us deconstruct the film and draw the obvious conclusion: It's really about David the Android, played masterfully by Michael Fassbender, who channels Peter O'Toole via John Le Mesurier. Fassbender endows his character with a depth and soul that eclipses the cardboard cut-outs that pass for the 'real' humans in the film. A complicated, nuanced character, he ends up, by accident, as the real protagonist and, indeed, the only point of reference for the humans watching in the cinema.
Elizabeth Shaw's ridiculous line of dialogue at the end of the film (as opposed to all the others), where she proclaims that there are things that humans know that robots can't, acquires a certain poignancy from this perspective. Because David is the only real 'human' in the film, and the movie realises this. It seems desperate to over-compensate with a single bigoted remark.
There's also a genuine sense of wonder to the film, when Ridley Scott deigns to remind himself that he once knew how to make rousing cinema. The landscape shots, set designs and grandeur of the setting are amazing, though fittingly only David seems to notice this, the child-like delight on his face during the star map scene hinting at what the film could have been.
The aliens – or rather the Space Jockeys - (never mind that ‘Engineers’ bollocks) are impressive too. Understatedly unearthly, and strangely in sync with their surroundings, the Space Jockeys constitute the only other achievement the film manages – you really can imagine them piloting the original ship the doomed crew of the Nostromo encounters in Alien.
But it’s not enough. The film has promise but the movie sucks balls. Why, Idris Elba, WHY?
Still, there is one intriguing possibility. Perhaps the Space Jockeys didn’t create humanity, but rather, they were created from human DNA. If so, by whom?
If David is right and the Space Jockeys destroy life before creating it, then perhaps the true creators of the Space Jockeys took all they wanted from Earth (human DNA), like cosmic jackdaws, then decided to order their servants to purge the rest of the planet prior to colonisation.
The Space Jockey sacrificing himself at the start of the film may have simply been softening up the planet’s gene pool for the final attack… But don’t expect any sequel to have such an intriguing premise. In fact, don’t expect much at all.
FOOTNOTE: It’s worth pointing out that Inseminoid was produced by Sir Run Run Shaw, who redeemed himself by then producing Blade Runner. This was, however, directed by Ridley Scott who directed Alien in the first place and then went on to piss it all away with Prometheus. It’s all rather circular, when you think about it.
FOOTNOTE 2: As the ‘Elizabeth Shaw’ reference suggests, there’s a bit of Doctor Who worship going on here. Though ripping off Inferno and characterisation that would shame RTD is hardly a fitting tribute.
